It’s been a pretty depressing month. I know it’s been about 6 months since I’ve written here, but it’s been about that long since I’ve felt anything close to happiness. I’ve decided to just let loose with my feelings here, because I don’t feel like I have anywhere or anyone else I can do this with.
Clint took off on the road as a truck driver again a few weeks ago. I was feeling lonely with him here the last several months, but now that he’s literally not here the physical loneliness has caught up with the emotional loneliness and I’m having a hard time pulling myself up by the boot straps. I know I need to find something besides my job to fill my time so I don’t dwell on it, but I’m not finding the energy or will to even get out of bed most days. I’m really hoping talking things out here will help me stop harping on the same things over and over again.
So today I’m admitting I’m lonely. I miss my husband horribly. He has told me we should have projects apart from each other, but this one’s killing me. He sounds very happy to be doing something outside the home so I have to try harder to keep my feelings to myself. I don’t want him to feel any worse about being away from home than he already is. I will start hunting for a project that I can do without him that will help me to feel better about the way things are right now.